hear this sweet lullaby;; alice

[Alice Esther Drew]

aliceESTHERdrew

[/color]'s

Forever...

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read my diary in different ways to explore deeper into this sweet lullaby, it's my life's love story...

(Some entries are from the future)

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[Alice Esther Drew]

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I'm Not Sure Why

I knew that then. Call it

intuition.

Whatever it was, my mind

swayed

from fear and uncertainty;

my heart

veered from hurt and fear

toward

the unlikely idea that, away from home, my

future

might blossom with

hope.

{Burned by Ellen Hopkins}

Wish

you would turn off
the questions, turn off the voices,
turn off all sound.

Yearn

to close out
the ugliness, close
out the filthiness,
close out all light.

Long

to gast away
yesterday, cast
away memory,
cast away all jeopardy.

Pray

you could somehow stop
the uncertainty, somehow
stop the loathing,
somehow stop the pain.

Act

on your impulse,
sallow the bottle,
cut a little deeper,
put the gun to your chest.

{Impulse by Ellen Hopkins}

[Alice Esther Drew]

__________________________

Meeting the Monster

Life was good
before I
met

the monster.

After,
life

was great.

At
least

for a little while.

{Crank by Ellen Hopkins}

The #1 Worst Thing

about those seven months:

My steady, needful, forever
relationship with the monster.

Learning

that "addiction" is much more
than a buzzword.

Discovering

how very much it applied
to my "me first" psyche.

Struggling

not to give in to inner voices
much stronger than my own.

Winning

most of the time, gritting my
teeth and "just saying no."

Losing

in those moments
when the world
I'd created for myself
closed in around me.

{Crank by Ellen Hopkins}

Walking With The Monster

Life
was radical
right after I met

the monster.

Later, life

became

harder,
complicated.
Ultimately,

a living

hell,
like swimming
against and riptide,

walking

the wrong
direction in the fast
line of the freeway

walking

from sweetest
dreams to find yourself
in the middle of a

nightmare.

{Glass by Ellen Hopkins}

[Alice Esther Drew]

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I Know

I should resist.

Turn

away.

Walk

away.

Run

away,

far

away,

so far

the monster will

never

find me, never

sniff

me out,

never

dare

touch

me,

never

pretend to

hear

my meager complaints,

never

get even the slightest

taste

of the fear in my heart,

never

force me to

see

what I'm afraid to see.

{Glass by Ellen Hopkins}

R

My

spotless

E

room

with pretty pink

G

butterflies on one

windowed wall

A

and a big old bed

worthy of dreams

R

invited me

into the familiar

D

offered to rest

my weary body

L

and soothe my

sorrowful heart.

E

S

S

{Crank by Ellen Hopkins}